#42 Moving Forward After a Challenging Year with Maddie Houser

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:00:01-00:00:04]
On this episode, we're talking with Maddie Houser of The Blonde and The Bay.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:00:06-00:00:17]
And in the same time, I still have goals, too. I don't have millions sitting in the bank, so I have to do what I need to do to be able to still work towards my goals. And I think that's fair. As long as the horse is happy, you're doing it humanely.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:00:18-00:02:05]
Welcome to the Equestrian Connection podcast from WeHorse. My name is Danielle Crowell, and I'm your host. Maddy Houser is a USDF bronze and silver medalist with her now-retired Dutch Warmblood mare, Leah, and since 2021 has been focused on helping to shed light on the versatility of their quarter horse and their place in the dressage ring. Maddie's Instagram account, The Blonde and the Bay, showcases her training progressions, ups and downs of horse and farm ownership, equestrian fashion, and so much more. In this episode, we're focusing on the new year. Both Maddie and myself didn't have quite the year we expected with our horses, and rather than taking that energy into 2024, we're talking about how we can realign our goals, set expectations, pivot when necessary, and stay on track when things get hard. This is the perfect episode to listen to for new year inspiration, whether you need a fresh start like us or whether you just want to hear different perspectives on the goals and often highlight reels of the equestrian world. So let's get started. Maddie, welcome back to the WeHorse podcast. I'm super excited to chat with you again. so happy to be here thanks for having me my friends so the last time you were here on the podcast which we were just saying was like i think a year and a half ago it was the summer so that would be about a year and a half ago um we were talking about your goals with your quarter horse rider and we're gonna we're jumping right into it right off the bat um And if like a lot of has changed since then, if nobody has been following along with your Instagram journey and progress and all that, a lot has changed. So do you want to give us a little bit of an update?

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:02:06-00:05:40]
Sure. It's a mouthful. Yeah. As we talked about, you know, revisiting those emotions are never fun, but it's a little bit easier for me to verbalize the past year versus writing it down. So there's no nuances that get kind of blurred. But in January, Ryder was going third level. We were just working on the changes, which he was picking up very quickly. And at the beginning of February, he had a bad shoeing job. And the farrier was out of town and he ended up sending some assistance. They didn't shoot him my liking. He was presenting some lameness on the front left. And just the placement of the shoe kind of had me scratching my head. So we had the shoe reset. Everything was going fine. And a week and a half later... like three-legged lame on the front left. I'm like, okay, well, bad shoeing, I guess, coupled with an abscess because when they go from zero to 60 like that, that you kind of know like, okay, and this wasn't his first abscess. So instead of treating it at home, I wasn't seeing any progression towards the positive. I ended up taking him to our vet where he stayed for a week and did blow a pretty nasty abscess out of the front left coronary band. I'm glad I took him up there because we were able to soak it, kind of get aggressive with our treatment, and that made it burst. I was never so happy to see, you know, closeness coming out of my horse's foot. So... After that, it took Ryder about a month and a half to recover from that abscess. It really did a number on him, and I know that that kind of spearheaded some other issues, obviously, as I'm about to explain. Once he came back into work, we started just lightly walking under saddle. That turned into some walk trot sets under saddle. And we kind of noticed that he was short striding on the back left, which was totally new. He's never, ever taken a lame step in his life. My initial thought was, okay, this is some, you know, compensation lameness from being off for two months. You know, he was used to being in a program, going on the walker, being super active, you know, playing outside. And we had had him on stall rest right now, you know, in that time period so he could fully recover. So in the meantime, all of this is happening. And my trainer's place is for sale. We're representing the buyers for the property. And our barn at home is almost done. So there's so many moving parts here. Ryder ends up coming home. And I lunge him one day to go to ride. And I like to lunge him first to let him really gallop and loosen up his back. He was always naturally a little bit tighter in his back due to his confirmation and past life. And so I'm looking on the lunge line and I'm like, here we go again. Like he's lame on the back left, short striding. It got a little better and then it went downhill again. So back to the vet. ran some tests, did what we needed to do to get him comfortable, and we did find some synovitis within the stifle, so that's just irritation within the joint. We injected accordingly to see if that would make him feel better, and he was going great after that. About two weeks in, he felt fantastic, and then by the third week, he was short-striding again. Back to the clinic, still had some synovitis, and I can't I think we did like, you know, it's bad when you can't remember.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:05:41-00:05:42]
Like all of the things.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:05:43-00:13:47]
So the first one was HA steroid. And then the next treatment was Noltrex. We did two shots of Noltrex in the left stifle. I was already at that point, though, where I was like, the injections aren't making this better. So there's something going on that we need to further investigate. And I think this was about May. Yeah, May. So in between that time, between the Noltrex and May, we decided to take him to the surgeon up in Salado for a CT scan. And I was really hoping and praying that the surgeon was going to call me and say, oh, we found a bone chip. We can go in and easily remove it. And he's going to be good as new or something that could be reversed or stopped. What he ended up finding was bone cysts in the left sifle within the joint. And that was leading to intense spurring and osteoarthritis in the left sifle. And the right sifle also had the osteoarthritis and the spurring. When the surgeon called me, I burst into tears. Well, he explained to me what happened and I burst into tears. He didn't hear me. I put my phone on mute. My mom was, we were on a call because I knew I wanted my mom on the phone with me so she could articulate. Cause I knew if it was bad news, like I was pretty much going to be over with. And the surgeon was nice, you know, to the, to the point, Kurt, and I'm more of like a good bedside manner type of girl. So You know, he basically said, like, I hate to tell you that your horse has to be retired. But so that was very devastating for me, obviously, to hear that news. The spurring was already so pronounced that even if. we had tried anything else, it would not reverse the damage that's already been done. And because he was 11, I think, he was a 2012 model. So I'll let y'all do the math. Because he was in that age range, this has obviously been going on for quite some time. And I think when they're younger, they can go in and put screws through the cysts and that stops the growth. But because the damage had already been done, there was really no point in doing that. So at that moment, we decided to try one last ditch effort at this point, just to get him comfortable. Really? Like I knew at that point, I was like, there's no way that I'm going to be able to ask this horse to engage his hind end, to sit without him being in pain. And that's, anyone who knows me knows that that's not me. So we did the PRP injection and then we took him home and we gave him about a three weeks off to see if that would work. And yeah, And three weeks into that, he was very, very lame, like very lame. And I called my vet in tears and I said, what did we do? What happened? And I'd read that the PRP injections can make them even lamer before it starts to get better. And this at this point, we were in the beginning of June. The only logical option after that was to give him the entire summer off and just back away. Let him be a horse. We had done absolutely everything that we could do in that moment. I pulled his back shoes. He basically became a pasture path until June. I think I lunged him once, like one circle in July, just to see how he was feeling. And he was sound in July. And I was like, don't touch him. Don't look at him. Don't think about him. Just like keep letting him live. And so I let him do that. And that was pretty emotionally challenging on top of everything else, because I'd worked so hard to get him to where he looked fantastic. You know, he had built such a beautiful top line. He was in, you know, top shape and to watch that progressively just kind of fizzle after I knew how hard it was to get us there. That in itself is a challenge. So July was over and done with. August and then the beginning of September rolled around and we kind of started working him again. He was sound. He felt really good, knock on wood. I only walked him because, full transparency, I was just really emotionally crushed after seeing this dream kind of just fizzle when there was no precursor to it. Like, January, we were up here. And then, as my husband likes to say, it's like a plane crash. It just went down into the ground. Like, how do you mentally prepare for that? You just don't. So Barrett has been a great help in that regard and that he kind of took over bringing Ryder back into work for me, rode him in the Western saddle. Once I started seeing him go, you know, not in a state of collection and just a little bit more, less pressure, it really dawned on me that like, okay, this is what this horse is supposed to do. Like he tried so hard for me, but he tried hard for me through his ailments. And that said a lot about his character. We started, um, Talking about riders future. And that's tricky because you want to keep all of them and you want to make sure that they have a soft landing. But you look at your finances, what you've spent in vet bills already equals the amount that you could probably buy two nice horses or two prospects. And I'm an adult amateur. I don't have a hundred acres to turn horses out to give them that kind of, you know, life. I mean, I do with Leah, obviously she's my heart horse, but I knew, and that's a very different scenario, but I knew Ryder, he had a bigger purpose than just, he's only 11 and he's so great with kids. It's not fair for him just to sit here. And, you know, I never would have let him go to anyone because I didn't have to. I didn't have to get rid of him and have to sell him. And I didn't sell him, but I didn't have to rehome him either. If I was going to go forward with that, it was going to be with someone that I knew would give him the care and the love that I would give him. with the mutual agreement that if it didn't work, that horse comes back to me. Yeah. And I was able to find that in the most remarkable family met through Instagram, like a handful of years ago. And it just kind of was all very serendipitous the way that it happens. She had reached out and had seen Ryder through all of his journey. We had been close friends. She had just made a comment like, wow, this would be such a great horse for my son. Then all of a sudden when she said that, I was like, oh my God, this is it. If he's not going to her, he's staying with me. Fantastic. At the beginning of or at the end of last month, Ryder went to his new home in Utah where he is being loved and adored by a child. I was able to facilitate giving this child his first horse and I have a very close relationship with their family. And so seeing him fulfill that purpose while it still stings knowing that all the energy and effort and resources and time and money and tears and like all of it, it softens the blow. Yeah. That horse deserves a little boy or something comparable that he can give that experience to. And he's sound for like lower level. If you want to walk shot canner, do whatever you want on him. That's great. I just didn't find that fair, you know, for our partnership to be like, okay, you're sound back to work. I'm not wired that way. And in the same time, I still have goals too. I don't have millions sitting in the bank. So I have to do what I need to do to be able to still work towards my goals. And I think that's fair. As long as the horse is happy, you're doing it humanely. Obviously, nobody has control over horses that are no longer in their barn. But I feel very confident in giving Ryder a meaningful purpose versus just sitting here. Yeah. So, you know, that's kind of the long winded, the long winded situation that happened with him.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:13:50-00:14:51]
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[SPEAKER 2]
[00:14:55-00:15:21]
So I have to say, seeing the clips that you'll post up, sharing the clips and that of Ryder in his new home with that little boy is so heartwarming. Oh, yeah. He looks so happy. It's so cute. And I mean, like you said, it is one of those things where it definitely is still like, oh,

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:15:21-00:17:12]
you know on the heart knowing everything that you went through this year but it's so heartwarming at the same time to see where he is now and what he's doing yeah and so I'll keep talking so your voice doesn't break that to me what made it worth it and like I cried you know I cried when Tara sent me like the first video of them and I was like oh my god this is this is, you know, worth it, like, worth it. And I've never been able to give that gift to someone before. And I know that I had to go through a lot of bad to, to experience that. But it was a good lesson in that through all the bad, good things still happen, even if it's not the outcome that I wanted, that I dreamed of, you know, it's anything in life, like, will I ever not miss having him in the barn and our journey and knowing where we were and what we could have been? No, I'll always miss that. And I'll always grieve that loss, but yeah, Seeing that a young child who loves horses, has the most supportive parents, and she is such a big horse woman in her own right, now that he's able to have that pathway, I think there's nothing better for kids than to be around horses and horses. speaking from my own experience. So that's neat. It's a good, it's a good thing. And I'm, I couldn't be happier for them. And, and knowing just, I trust Tara, like explicitly, I trust her. And we've already had an extensive conversation, conversation that like, look, if this doesn't work out for any reason, he can come back here. I don't care. Like he'll be Leah's best friend and I'll figure out a job for him.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:17:12-00:17:13]
But yeah,

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:17:14-00:17:20]
I just I knew how special he was and somebody else, especially a child, deserved to have that energy.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:17:20-00:19:12]
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I have to say, too, you know, watching watching your journey throughout the past year, it it was really. I don't know, it just it really stung me in a certain way. My heart was breaking for you because I had gone through it. Um, you know, four years ago, um, that my, my mayor, she, um, she had a pelvis injury that we didn't know about and we couldn't figure out what was going on. And I mean, I had vet after vet, after massage therapist, after chiropractor, after, you know, all of the things, um, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. And we, we just couldn't. Um, and you know, and I, I remember that we did injections, um, The vet had come in and he recommended that we do some SI injections. And so I thought, OK, well, let's do that. And I was told to lunge her, keep her going, all of those things. And so that's what I was doing is that I was lunging her three or four times a week doing what I was told I was supposed to. And and then the injections wore off really quickly after, you know, maybe a month and a half. And she was more lame than ever because come to find out once we did eventually find out what was wrong with her pelvis, it comes to find out that the last thing she should have been doing was lunging. And so here I was lunging her, thinking I was helping her get better. And by the time the injections were off, she was so lame because her pelvis was getting more and more crooked. And it was just those things where I felt like I was losing –

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:19:14-00:19:57]
I felt like I was losing my mind. Am I like, what is happening? I'm literally giving everything by the book and I'm pouring like thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars that my husband and I don't, like I said, we don't have millions in the bank. You know, we're, we're both, you know, self-employed commission-based income and you're watching your bank account go lower, lower, lower. And you're like, Oh my God. Like, what is happening? And you get in that point where it's like, I don't even know what to do anymore. And because we're so invested in our horses, all of us, there are lives. There are, you know, our fur children there. We pour every heart and soul into it. It makes you feel really, like, helpless.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:19:57-00:20:01]
Yeah, it does. Like, you just want to say, can you just tell me what is wrong? Exactly.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:20:02-00:20:03]
Can you talk about this one, please?

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:20:03-00:20:35]
Yeah. And the other thing, I don't know, like, it's... So my experience at that time was I was at a boarding stable and your experience going through it is you had just moved him home. And so I remember for me, when I was going through all of that, I felt it so challenging because I was getting a million unsolicited advice. I was getting, and also I was asking questions. Well, what, what do you think? Well, what would you like? Because I felt like I lost all trust in myself that I was asking everybody all

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:20:35-00:20:38]
whether they had more experience than me or less.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:20:38-00:21:34]
Yeah, asking for advice and getting unsolicited advice and all of the things. And I remember that was really hard. But then at the same time, I look at your experience going through it and thinking, would it have been easier to have been at home or harder because you're feeling like, I'm by myself here in a way, you know, and so who knows? But I just, my heart absolutely broke for you watching your journey this year. And I'm so glad that Ryder had, you know, such a happy ending for it and his story went well. But in terms of yourself, you know, when you look back at all of the, you know, just to to say what it was as a setback is how do you feel that you handled all of the setbacks of the year? And if you could, would, is there anything you would do differently?

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:21:36-00:21:44]
You know, I, let's see here. I handled the setbacks as well as I could in that time.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:21:44-00:21:44]
Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:21:45-00:23:40]
And, you know, they, I, people on, on Instagram and my, my community, they were so supportive and it would make me chuckle when they would say, you're handling this with such grace and dignity. And you're, you seem like, you know, yeah, you're handling it with grace. And I would read those and I would, it made me feel good. But at the same time, I would be like, I just sobbed for like an hour and a half. So thank you. But what we see on, that's why I'm so, passionate about saying what we see online is such just a small glimmer. And I, I don't, what is the word I'm looking for? I, yeah, I just go back to, I handled it as well as I could have. And, and I, it honestly, it just kind of felt like one drip castle, you know, the, it just keeps adding up and adding up and adding up and especially with Ryder. And then our dog had to have emergency surgery, which is another thousand dollars. And then, um, Just when we were getting in the clear, you know, we brought our vet out in October to do routines. So we were, you know, shots, Coggins, done, like great, wonderful riders going to his great new home. Okay, take a deep breath. We can kind of start to financially, you know, get back on our feet again and recover. And then, you know, we lost my husband's horse, his first horse unexpectedly to colic after the first cold snap. you know, that was, I walked into the barn in the morning and I was like, there's something not right. And, you know, got him up to the clinic and had, he had an impaction. And I told, you know, my vet, he called me and he was like, this isn't going to look good. And I said, Matt, you do whatever you need to do to save that horse. He said, you caught, ah, sorry. Um, you do whatever you need to do to save that horse. And I don't care how much it costs, you know, you, you do what you need to do.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:23:40-00:23:41]
And, um,

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:23:41-00:24:21]
If we get to, you know, it was Tuesday. I said, if we get to Friday and nothing's working, then we know what we need to do. But you're not, I said, after this year, we're not giving up on him. I said, we need him. And so I knew when Matt called on Friday morning and he called Barrett, he said, it's not good. And I said, no. We got in the truck and, you know, I looked at Barrett and I said, this is about to be really not fun. And you're about, this was his first time to ever go through this. And we've had horses in the past that we've lost, but it hit different because this was like our horse. You know, the others, my mom lost a horse to colic and that kind of thing. But this was like Barrett's first horse.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:24:21-00:24:22]
Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:24:22-00:25:34]
And unfortunately, like we need all of our horses, obviously, but we really needed. So he played such like a big part. in our family. And by the time we got there, you know, he'd had a pretty rough night. Matt was there a lot of the night trying to keep him, you know, comfortable. He was very distended. But, you know, we took his blanket off and Barrett got to have some grass with him, let him graze. And then, you know, we we said our goodbyes. But that, I think, was the hardest part out of you know, with Ryder, he had a happy ending and, and I envy those. We've been blessed enough to do it a couple of times too, that are able to give their horses, like, you know, like it's time and you're able to say your goodbyes. And I hope that I pray. And I hope that that is my case with Leah, but it's things extra hard when it's like, you have no, you know what I mean? Like you have no job. It happens so fast. And like I said, these horses are part of our family. And so it's, That was a huge blow for us. And at that point, and this was only a month ago, at that point, that was a real low for me.

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:25:34-00:25:35]
And

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:25:36-00:25:49]
What you saw on Instagram was a lot of me just trying to muster up the confidence to just write and... Or else, if it were my case, I would have just said, like, F this. Like, why do I even do this anymore?

[SPEAKER 2]
[00:25:49-00:25:50]
Like, who cares?

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:25:50-00:26:59]
Like, I just want to go hang out with Leah and Blue and... And then you go into questioning like, do I even want to do this anymore? And that's scary. And I don't throw that around lightly because I've been around horses for my whole life. I'm going to be 31. I started riding when I was three. So you go into like, wow, we just spent this much money and we have nothing to show for it. A dead horse, a horse that we had to give away for free that we put a lot of resources in. So that was a new low and a new challenge for me and Barrett. It made our marriage stronger because we had no choice but to lean on each other and family. But it handling it. With grace, I guess, means to me just allowing myself to feel everything. I'm really good at shoving things under the rug and just keep moving on with my life. The older I get, the more I realize that's not really healthy.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:26:59-00:27:04]
Yeah, I'm the same way. And then I'm like, my nervous system and adrenals are completely shot.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:27:04-00:29:54]
I'm living in a high functioning state of anxiety. That's probably not good for me. But I really had to just kind of sit with myself. And then, of course, you know, not we're not just dealing with horses. Everyone has everything else that's happening in their life. So, yeah. You know, the horses were supposed to are always supposed to bring us joy. And for the first time for them to just not bring us anything but heartache and disappointment and flat out depression. I mean, I would there was a period there I was like, I don't even want to be down at the barn by myself. And it makes you feel bad because your other two need you to show up for them. and to be there, but I couldn't be there like I needed to. Um, and so I don't think there's like a great way to handle emotions like that. Obviously don't maybe go on a bender and like that kind of thing. But, um, you know, it, I, I mean, I, no shame. Like I was drinking a lot and needed to rein myself in a little bit and be like, you don't, you're not going to, you're not doing this. Like, you're not going to go down this path. You're going to breath and, and try something else, exercise, do something else, but this is not you. And so there was a lot of internal, um, conversation this year, but especially after we lost Smoke. And as far as going back and changing anything or regretting anything, I don't because I don't know what else I could have done. I'm that person, case in point, that's like, do whatever you have to do. Obviously, within financial reason, but this year, we were blessed enough that I didn't have a budget. And looking back, I'm like, oh, my God, like, I hope I never have to go through that again, because that was really, really stressful on our finances. And then that translates into being stressful on your marriage, your whole life. It affects everything. But I wanted to make sure that I did everything I possibly could without, you know. Giving Ryder two new back legs. And same with Smoke, that I was going to make sure that I checked every box. And I do feel like I did that. So, no, I don't have any regrets at all. And even though we went through so much bad this year, it really taught me a lot. So, I don't regret any of it. I'm still, you know, we're still... mourning the smoke lot the loss of smoke that is of course yes and and so that that's going to take some time to move forward and process still but no what is it the millers no regerts it's like the um the tattoo it's like no regrets like when they the tattoo exactly no regerts

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:29:57-00:30:46]
There's something I saw on Instagram not too long ago. I shared it in my story. And I probably should have looked it up before I started recording this so I could remember exactly how it went. But it was something to do with worry and anxiety. situations that you find yourself in. And it was like, whenever you find yourself rather than worrying or wasting the energy, worrying and all of those things, looking back, looking forward, it's like when you find yourself in a tough situation and, The you that needs to handle it will be born into existence. And it was like, so just trust that your future self will be there for you. And I thought it was so beautiful that it was, you know, all of the things that we get into.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:30:46-00:30:46]
And I find that.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:30:48-00:31:03]
You know, horse people seem to be so hard on themselves and we have so many worries and so many, you know, all of the things. And I think there's like a correlation between equestrianism and perfectionism, I believe.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:31:03-00:31:09]
Oh, 100 percent. Especially, I think, if you're a dressage rider. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:31:11-00:31:59]
But I just thought that was such a beautiful way of looking at it, that it's like rather than looking back on, you know, what you could have done or looking forward into, you know, what if this happens again or X, Y, Z, what will I do? It's like just trust that your future self will be born into existence to handle it. And it sounds like throughout all of the things that you went through this year, like the you that needed to be born into existence to handle it, handled it. And at the same time, you know, it's so necessary to give yourself that ability and space to let all of the emotion that you're holding in go. So I'm glad that you have a chance to do that and you have somebody to, you know, to lean on. And then also that you're doing it in a healthy way, like you said.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:31:60-00:32:01]
Exactly, trying, you know.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:32:01-00:32:02]
Yeah, yeah, of course.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:32:02-00:33:03]
Trying, but... But, yeah, I mean, I agree. I'm a totally different person than I was at the beginning of 23. Totally different. Yeah. Yeah. I changed so much over this year. And like I said, even though there was a lot of really bad, I grew a lot in myself. Boundaries changed. my voice and I realize what I'm capable of emotionally handling with the horses combined with everything else, you know, personal work, all of that. And that is a good thing. I think it is a good thing. And it, it helped me really, I think kind of develop further into my journey as not only just a horse person, but a woman. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:33:03-00:33:36]
Yeah, that was that was actually my next question is what are you proud of for this year? And I think that you just answered that beautifully is, you know, like you said, the ability to have boundaries and to find your voice and, you know, and it's interesting being the observer of like. the social media observer that I am is, uh, you know, like going in and like, again, watching this journey. And, and I, and I do truly feel like I, I, I saw you find your voice throughout this year and be willing to say like, Hey, I'm not going to stand for these comments.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:33:36-00:33:36]
Um,

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:33:37-00:34:16]
you don't need to slide into my DMs and say these things. Like, I'm willing to step away from social media for a bit and take a break. Like, all of these different things that you were able to come up and say rather than, let's say, for example, somebody making a comment and then it just freaking somebody out and therefore being afraid to post about stuff or something like that, you know, rather than I'm sure it affected you, but rather than letting it take you completely off course, it seemed almost that you were able to say, like, I'm not okay for you to say that. This is my space. Like, if you don't have anything nice to say, basically don't come into it.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:34:17-00:34:17]
Basically.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:34:18-00:34:21]
Yeah, and I loved it. I absolutely loved watching that.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:34:21-00:39:00]
It's far easier said than done. Yes. But... You have to remember, I've been doing this since 2015. And when I started influencers, that wasn't even like a thing. And there was only a very small handful of us that were just posting pictures about horses. The trolls were very few and far between. You never really had to worry about it. And then like this boom happened and everyone decided that they wanted to get online. And that's great. But with that came this false sense of security that people think that they have to just tear you apart when they're literally reading a very small portion of your life yeah and I don't understand how that translates into I know everything about you you are a bad horse owner you're doing it wrong you should do it this way like my brain doesn't work that way so it's hard for me to understand and I think that's where my passion comes from and that like I get heated about it Because it's like, no, you don't get to tell me what I'm doing wrong with my horses because you're not here physically seeing me in my routine and the whole nine yards. And so with Ryder, luckily, I had... Great support. Like, I don't think I could have made it through this year without my community. And that is one thing I am so proud of this year is my community showed up for me. And that's the type of people that I want in my corner following my life. If that's not you or if somebody doesn't feel that way, please feel free to leave. That's the great thing about following and unfollowing people is you don't like what I have to say. You don't like my truth. You know, yeah, this year was a lot of heavy work. topics from my page I was not my usual cheery happy bright self I tried desperately to find pieces of her but there was no way that I could have been like oh my horse is going lame and I'm spending thousand dollars in vet bills trying to get him there but guess what great stuff you know That's not me. And anyone who's followed me for the last almost nine years would know that's not her. She's going to shoot us straight to the best of my ability. Obviously, there are things and aspects of your life that don't belong on social media. They need to be protected for you, your emotions, your personal life. But I've always felt comfortable sharing my truths on my profile because I have never done anything else. So it came naturally. But, you know, I definitely had a very low tolerance. And there were times when I bit somebody's head off that probably didn't deserve it. And then we would talk it out. And, you know, that person would be like, hey, totally understood where you're coming from. And I'd be like, I understand where you're coming from. I'm sorry. The fuse is really short. So it taught me to like, before you jump to any conclusion, take a breath, breathe, and then respond. Now, if you're just going to be shitty to be shitty, I'm going to delete your comment and probably block you because no, I don't, I haven't, everyone going on in their life. Nobody needs that. But, but that my community was one thing I was really proud of this year, because like I said, I leaned on them a lot and my messages. I mean, People were messaging me like, can you set up a GoFundMe because we want to help pay for your vet bills? And I was just like, you guys, thank you. Seriously, thank you. No, I'm not going to have you pay for my vet bills. But just the gesture of people wanting to invest themselves and help and be there for me, it did restore some faith in humanity that there are some good people on the internet. You just have to cultivate that community. And I would like to think that my people... follow me because they know that they can trust me to be my authentic self. And, you know, I mean, what you see really is what you get. But there was no way I could have just hid anything this year. And it was challenging for me because I love cheering on my friends. I want to see everyone succeed. But there were moments this year where I was really battling like some jealousy and envy. And that's all new for me. You There were times when I'm like, God, why do I feel this way? Like, I should be happy for them, but I'm just mad. Like, that's not fair. Like, I want to be and I couldn't be there for my friends like I wanted to this year. And that's also not a really fun feeling because I like cheering on my people and wanting to see them achieve their goals. And it's not that I didn't want to. It was just I was jealous that I wasn't doing it because I was in the trenches with a very unique situation. Yeah.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:39:00-00:39:31]
Yeah, absolutely. And it can be tough, like you had said. At the end of the day, social media is a highlight reel. And so like what we see, like you had said earlier about you can post something up and people are saying, oh, you're handling this so well. It's like, oh, well, I just spent all day crying. You know, so like it's those things that we can see. The small snippets of a ride where the whole ride didn't go very well, but the small snippet looked pretty good. And so that's what's posted or.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:39:31-00:39:52]
And that's great. Like, I don't blame people for doing that because I do it, too. I don't want to get too old about my lower leg. Right. I'm not going to post about it. Yeah. Yeah, like, okay, it's good to show the bloopers every now and then, but it's sad that our climate doesn't facilitate a healthier environment to do that more freely.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:39:52-00:40:26]
It doesn't, in some cases, it doesn't feel safe to do it because, you know, like, even, like, I'll look at some photos and I'll be like, oh, I don't really like the look on my horse's face in that second. And it's like, it's not like that was actually... a bad thing with my horse it just was the second the camera caught it you know something like I posted today of my mare um just like randomly in the paddock and just what she was doing the way she was turning her head the white of her eye was showing and I was like should I not post this in case people think she's a friend it's like oh

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:40:28-00:40:34]
You know, it's like their horse, their animals, you know, just all those things.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:40:34-00:41:31]
And so I think that like social media can affect our goals with our horses because we do see, you know, people, whether they're further ahead than us or they're doing something different than us or whatever it may be. And we think I should do that, too. I should be doing that, too. And then we beat ourselves up because we're not doing that. Or we skip a bunch of steps that are really necessary for our horses in order to get to that point. And like there's there's so many things that I do feel as though sometimes when we look at social media, like, yeah, it's really I love having accounts that inspire me. But I have to remember that this is purely inspirational. I don't have to try to compete with, you know, or like rise to that. Like it's it's you kind of have to go into it with a little bit of a different headset. So I'm glad that you brought that up because I think it's an important distinction to make.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:41:32-00:44:31]
You do. And you have to be very I think if you want to be successful at social media, you have to be secure with yourself. And that's, like I said, a lot easier said than done. But you have to be secure in yourself and your riding ability. And you have to accept the horse that you have and know that, okay, blue is not going to look like somebody's Grand Prix horse. And you have to be okay with that. I mean, it would be selfish for me to see somebody doing one Tempe's and then I'm going to go get on blue and be like, do the changes right now. But that's just not feasible whatsoever. So I think it does take a lot of self-confidence to be on social media because you have to be strong with your morals and your values and your ideals and not let anything else influence or infiltrate your mindset. And again, I struggle with that. I mean, there was a period after NFR when I got on social media and I saw all of my favorite Western influencers living it up in Vegas, posting beautiful outfits, working with brands. And as someone who is aspiring to slowly build their business, it's like, wow, they started way later than me and they're way more successful. They have this and this and that and this and that. And even then, this is just recently, like earlier this month. And so it took me like taking a pause and looking and saying, look, I am building a community. My community is what matters the most to me. Not brand deals, not photo shoots, not any of that. My community and fostering my relationships with my community is what matters the most. And that is why I do this. I do this so when people come to my page, they're not always going to probably read what they want to, but they're going to have some truth and like, hey, life sucks right now. Or, hey, life's going really great right now. That is what matters to me the most. But in the same breath, I don't share a lot of my writing content so much anymore. I do it more in my stories. I like to share photos, but... I'm in a place after this year mentally where I like cannot handle like I'm at my threshold when it comes to negativity. Like I know where I'm at right now, just very sensitive, very. And I'm just trying to get my legs underneath me again. And I have to protect myself. In that regard, I don't need someone saying, wow, Blue's ear is tweaked two degrees to the right. He must be really mad or because I'm teaching him how to do a whole new discipline. So, of course, he's going to be confused and have moments where things aren't pretty. And he's 18. Like, obviously, I don't expect him to be my next Grand Prix horse, but we're still in the like figuring it all out stage. And I just don't need that negativity right now. So I'm guarding my peace, protecting my peace. And that's new for me.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:44:36-00:44:51]
And I think even if like, if somebody isn't in a spot where they've had a bad year and are, you know, like you had said, feeling a little sensitive at the moment, I think being able to protect your peace, no matter what is, is so important because,

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:44:52-00:44:58]
You have to. Especially in today's time. We shouldn't have to, but you have to. Yeah, you do.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:44:58-00:45:09]
Also, I do just want to add this as well. You had mentioned about the NFR thing. Can we not acknowledge the fact that you did the Dallas market and got invited to it again this year?

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:45:09-00:45:51]
Is that correct? Coming up? we're going again in a couple of weeks and. Right. So let's not forget what you've accomplished this year, Maddie. No, I, that's something I've been working towards for many, many a year. So to finally, you know, work with Dallas market. Now that's a huge bucket list item that I've, I've dreamt about. And that, that was a good thing that happened in 23. And I was able to share the experience with my mom and she's a great, a great assistant for me. So yeah, That's that that's been very special. So, yes, that was a good thing. But still, you still wake up and you're like, well, I want to do that. Like, why am I not? And so it's it's hard to balance.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:45:51-00:46:32]
It is hard. Yeah, absolutely. Let's look at some goals. So I want to look at from all perspectives. So the idea of taking it back to Leah, like the era of Leah, your peak. looking at the year that you just had with Ryder and then looking at moving forward to Blue. So in all of those stages, there's going to be goals mixed in, whether the goals weren't achieved or whether they were achieved or whether they exceeded the expectation. Do you think it's important to set goals with your horses, even if... they can not happen because of things like cycles.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:46:33-00:49:24]
Right. Yes. I do think as I'm a goal oriented person, I think that's why I made this year so hard on myself, all these goals and they crashed and burned. Um, with Leah, you know, I, I still feel very, very, very blessed because of her. I was able to really accomplish everything I wanted to do in the show ring stands, riding a Grand Prix, earning my gold medal, but she, um, like earned or keep. And I will never take that for granted. I mean, like I said, I owe that horse everything with rider. It was polar opposite. You know, we accomplished a few goals that I wanted to, but as far as like riding goals specific, I didn't get any like near as much as I, I didn't get as close as I wanted to, to everything that I had on my list. And so it was two very polar opposite journeys, right? Moving forward. I've had to really, again, dig deep and recenter my priorities. I think it's healthy to set goals. I think we need to set goals I think you need to be realistic with your goals. You also need to be okay and maybe not be okay, but you need to understand, I guess is the better term because I'm still not okay with the fact that, you know, I didn't achieve what I wanted to with Ryder, but I understand that that's horses. Like we are not on our timeline. We are at the mercy of their timeline, their body, their mental health. And that's something that you have to, A hard pill to swallow, but you have to swallow it when you set your goals. Am I hesitant to set any riding-related goals in the future? Yes, because I'm still working through this year. There's a lot of PTSD that still lives in my brain, which is why, well, in addition to the finances, why I just can't even process even looking for a new horse or going down that route. It's a little more gung-ho because he wants to get back to roping, but we still need to wait. you know, a little bit of time, but I am just very okay with not having any major riding goals right now. And maybe that is because I have accomplished a lot. Like, okay, I'll toot my own horn. I did what I wanted to do and that's great. My real only big goal with riding, like being notable, is ride a Grand Prix and finish my gold medal. But I have a lot of smaller goals that feel very empty because I still wanted to do them with rider. And so that's more of like my focus is not so much competitions, that kind of stuff. I don't really love competing so much anymore. I just want that journey, I guess, that I had with rider. Like I want that. Yeah. Yeah, it's set goals, but you just have to be very realistic and go in knowing that they might not happen. Yeah, absolutely.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:49:25-00:49:56]
Yeah, I feel like for me, the past, well, a year and a half, basically, since I brought my horses home, because it all started to come to a head, like within a few months before I left the boarding stable and moved them home is my gelding. He when he was young, he had his one of his hind legs caught in a fence. And it looks very – his hawk has quite a bit of scarring on it, but I was always told that it's just very cosmetic.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:49:57-00:49:58]
And so I was like, okay, great.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:49:60-00:51:27]
And he started showing – so after, like, four years of battling with sodas, it wasn't quite – It was it was a few years. I say four years because it felt like it was forever. I feel like it was more like two and a half to three. But after so many years of dealing with soda and her pelvis and not knowing what was going on and and then my gelding and he started to show some signs of something being kind of funny. And I went into this. Oh, my God. mode where I just felt like I needed to fix everything. And I was afraid of doing anything. And I feel like you had mentioned a PTSD feeling. And that's kind of what I feel like I felt as well. I feel like I had so much trauma from going through everything with Soda that the moment I that my gelding Paco started to show some signs of like maybe just being a little sore. So we have them on Prevacox and stuff like that, but like just being like a little, like he just needs more movement. I honestly think like my thing was that I got so afraid of doing anything with them. So I stopped doing anything. So he started getting stiff. And so it's like, I think that I became my own worst enemy.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:51:28-00:51:32]
What's that? keeping them in motion is sometimes you.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:51:32-00:52:50]
Yeah, exactly. I think I became my own worst enemy where I just became so afraid. And I think again, where I had mentioned, like I kind of did the opposite of what I should have been doing with Soto, where I was told like, yeah, get her lunging and then come to find out that like, she shouldn't have been going in a circle. It scared me so much that I was going to do something wrong with him. And then make it worse that I was like, ah, and just kind of like, Yeah, like stepped away from it all. And rather than enjoying my horses, I just became like a manure cleaner. And, you know, like it just like nothing else. I wasn't doing anything with them. And I just felt like I was losing so much of my I don't want to say passion because I definitely still had like a passion for it. But I was losing. I kind of felt like an imposter in a way. And so I hear you so much when you say. It was like it's scary thinking of goals because you still have a feeling of PTSD. And I feel like I'm kind of getting like a little bit over the edge of that to be like, no, like I need to get back into doing something both for myself. And then also, again, for my horses, because of the fact that it's like I do think that they need to be exercised more.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:52:50-00:52:51]
For sure.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:52:52-00:53:02]
But yeah, I just I really I hear you so loudly when you say it can be scary setting goals again after going through something.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:53:02-00:54:37]
Oh, totally. And for me, it stems from the fact that like I did a pre-purchase exam on Ryder, an extensive one, x-rays all nine yards. We didn't know. Obviously, this didn't just happen in the last two years. But the only way we found this was through a CT scan. So that's where my... red flag is, is like, oh my God, like we, but we did the pre-purchase, we did the x-rays and that still couldn't find out this problem. And I know every horse has something, I get it. But when you've been in my shoes, it's like, I don't want to vet another horse because I'm scared that I'm, we're not going to, what if you don't find it? And then it presents itself later. And so that's a lot of what I need to work through. And I understand that everybody does that. But yeah, it's a real thing because you know how much money is at stake too. When you're trying to do this as an adult amateur and you're not a professional, you don't have financial backing, you know the risk involved and you always know it. But when it's been in your face all year, it's even more terrifying, I think, to move forward. Like I want another horse one day. Of course I do. I want, you know, blue is going to be 18. And like, I know that that is whatever I can get out of him. And the dressage ring is amazing, but that's not my end goal. Like I want more and that's okay to acknowledge that we as riders, we want more. That's fine. But there's still that little thing in my mind. That's like, you're not gonna be ready for a long time and I'm okay. It's fine. I'm enjoying Leah and blue and that's what I need, but that's where my PTSD lies. Yeah.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:54:38-00:55:14]
Do you have any, like, as we go into the new year, do you have any, like, mindset things that you think that you'll start to incorporate to kind of help you through that as you start to ride blue a bit more? I mean, you've been riding them a ton, but, like, as you start to, you know, start a new year with maybe some goals and things like that for him, do you have anything that you kind of think I'm going to utilize this, whether it is, Taking time for yourself every day and doing your own like exercise, self-care sort of thing or like meditation, mindfulness. Like, do you have anything that you kind of think I'm going to start to utilize this?

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:55:15-00:57:48]
Well, I definitely lost myself in 2023. And in that turn, I also kind of found myself a little bit. Hmm. But my goal for 24 is really just to gain control of my life. And I know that's such like almost a fallacy because we're never really in control, you know, but just getting my feet back underneath me and focusing on myself, my friendships, my relationships. I feel like I turned into a little bit of a hermit this year where I just didn't have the energy to. We had dinner together. Last night with some of my best friends that we haven't even seen since March. And I'm like, I'm really sorry. I know that I haven't been a very amazing friend this year, but I just couldn't. I literally couldn't. I didn't have the energy. And so... I think being, like you said, mindful of myself, taking time for myself and saying no to more things that don't bring joy or happiness. And I know we all do things that we don't want to do. That's life. We have to do that. But just being a little bit more mindful of that doesn't really feel good. So I think I'm going to not do it respectfully. But That is really kind of how I'm hoping to go into 24 is just to take a breath, refocus back on my work, dive in more to the blonde in the bay, see how I can build that and just take it one day at a time and enjoy. The dynamic that we have at the barn right now, even though we're still trying to figure it out, having two horses as opposed to four, looking at positives is a little bit easier when we're, you know, the feeders, the cleaners, the turner routers, the exercisers, you know, that is a little bit of an easier workload on me and my husband are trying to deal or juggle, you know, with family and with careers and that kind of side of life. So, yeah, I think I would love to get back in the gym. I went to the gym like three times this year. So exercise for me is my favorite way to really kind of get my anxiety out and clear my mind and not being not doing that this year. It wasn't because I just like had anything pressing that was keeping me from doing it. I just didn't want to. Yeah. And that's not like me. So looking back now, I'm like, dang, OK, I was maybe a little depressed this year, but I hope I can pull myself out of that and take a deep breath and just heal. Mm hmm.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:57:49-00:59:25]
move forward so and now with social media are you for or against sharing goals publicly and and just a little like context for this so I'm somebody that even like talking to like my husband or my friends or something like that like I never tell them my goals like my poor husband he's like what are you doing because I am I am I have this and this is obviously something I need to be working through. I have a fear of failure where I'm so afraid to tell people my goals and therefore the things that matter to me, because if for some reason I don't achieve them. Nobody knew that I was working towards them. So it's like it's a softer blow rather than me saying, oh, yeah, I didn't do that. I didn't get to do it. I quote unquote failed. It's like, well, they didn't know that I was working towards it. So if I don't do it. Yeah, but I'm realizing that I actually am self-sabotaging myself by doing that because I let myself. Like, yeah, and it's like, I'll have these things that I really want to do. And I don't tell anybody about them. And then I let other things get in the way. So I'll be like, oh, I really want to do this. But yeah, okay, sure. Here, I can help you out with that. Or like, I let other things come in the way of my own goals. And because nobody knew that I was working towards them, then I'm almost like, well, it's okay that I let it slide. And so I kind of let myself down.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:59:26-00:59:27]
Right.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:59:27-00:59:35]
And so this year, I feel like I'm going into it with the idea that like I'm going I want to tell people what I'm working on.

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:59:35-00:59:38]
And that's normal.

[SPEAKER 3]
[00:59:39-00:59:42]
How do you feel about that? Like for or against sharing publicly?

[SPEAKER 1]
[00:59:43-01:02:19]
A little bit of both. I was always the person that's like, here's what I want to do in the new year. Goals, goals, goals. And then this year happened. And now I'm definitely finding myself to be a little bit more reserved because I don't know where my journey is going to take me. Even though I do have blue and I have certain goals in mind, I'm also realistic with him and his abilities as well. So I don't know. I guess my goals lie more towards like personal and professional. Riding goals, I guess I just got a little bit jaded, maybe. You know, like I said, I have goals with Blue, but I'm afraid, I guess, to put them out there because when I did that with Rider, everything just went to shit, you know, and so... I see both sides. I do think it's healthy to tell people, you know, for us, like, here's what I want to do. Here are my goals. I want to accomplish X, Y, and Z. And that almost puts it out into the universe. And if it doesn't happen, okay, you have to be okay in yourself to know that they might not. And that's fine. It's not that it's a thing of failure. I don't view Ryder's saga as failure. I view it as an unlucky card that we've been dealt. And we try to work through it to the best of our ability. But will you be seeing me write down like all my 24 goals this year? Probably not. And that's just because I don't know. I don't know what I want to accomplish in 2024 with Blue. I know what I want to do in bringing more awareness to the quarter horse breed and hosting more educational events. But I don't know. what blue, like what our journey looks like. And there's a little bit of an excitement in that and not setting goals and knowing like, okay, so anything that happens is a good thing. Like I would love to take him to a show this year, whether it's a schooling show or next year, schooling show or a rated show. Do I know what level I would like to compete? Absolutely not. I hope maybe second level. I don't even know if he'll get the changes, but yeah, I there's a little bit of an excitement in that for me because I'm typically always a person that's like must plan everything to the finest detail, must set all of the goals. And I don't know that that. was the healthiest thing for me to do last year. So I'm trying a different approach this year. Maybe by not setting many goals, they'll all happen.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:02:19-01:02:20]
Right.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:02:20-01:03:05]
But, you know, I think it's you. Everyone on their on social media has their own community and setting those goals and putting them out into the world for your community to share and celebrate is a great thing. I think that's very healthy. I just am scared, I guess, because I don't want to be disappointed. after this year but I also know that that's part of it so you know what I mean I'm just like a cluster basically there's something in my head um you know if you if you're that person that wants to share every single goal that you have in mind great I'm going to be there to cheer you on and say you go girl if you're the girl that you know or the rider that doesn't want to share anything great that's fine with me too I guess I'm more of like the in-betweener right now yeah yeah I'm

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:03:08-01:03:10]
Yes. Yeah, exactly. As the, as it goes on.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:03:11-01:03:14]
You can set goals throughout the year.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:03:15-01:03:34]
Exactly. And that's a, that's a great point to make is that like, I feel like we get so caught up in like January 1st and then we're like, Oh crap, I didn't work out today. So I like, and now I missed out, you know, or like something like that. We put so much pressure on that when it's like, you can set a goal in March, you can set a goal in June. You can like,

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:03:36-01:03:56]
I saw something last year on Instagram. I don't remember who posted it, but they posted like on the first day of spring, like happy new year. Like this is where my year starts because I use January, February, it's winter, it's cold. Nobody's motivated to do anything. And that kind of resonated with me this year.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:03:56-01:03:59]
That resonates with me. I like that.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:03:59-01:03:60]
You're in Canada.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:03:60-01:04:32]
Yeah. I don't want to do anything. I know. And right now, like my dad, he just dropped off some poles for me. Cause I was like, Mike built some Cavaletti. And so dad dropped off some poles and, um, he just, he like cut down some trees and like, we just made like little, um, little wood poles. But I was like, man, why am I getting so stoked? Like, we're probably going to get a huge snowfall and not another huge snowfall. So it's like manage your winter expectations, Danielle, so you don't get disappointed.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:04:32-01:04:51]
And especially in Texas. I mean, it's so mild here most of the time, but we do have like periods where we get ice and snow and I like the cold. But when you're doing farm chores, as you know, in it, you know, morning and night, it gets a little bit Like, oh, here we go again. But I would rather have it cold than like 150 million degrees.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:04:51-01:04:53]
Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I'd rather be cold.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:04:53-01:05:30]
My seasonal depression kind of kicks in June 1st. But I liked that. I liked that sentiment because it helped me realize that, OK, come January 1st, I don't have to have like a 30 day workout plan, diet plan, you know, eating plan. I don't have to have like work plan, like all of this. No, just breathe. Take it one day at a time. And that has been my motto all year is one day at a time, because with so many factors out of my control this year, I can't even control what's going to happen to me in the next five minutes. Obviously, I'm not going to like, you know, hopefully I'm not going to fall down the stairs or something like that. But you know what I mean?

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:05:30-01:05:32]
Like, I have to take it one day at a time.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:05:37-01:06:35]
I can say, you know, and maybe this year I'll try like, OK, in January, I'd like to accomplish this with my business or in February, I'd like to do this. Like I have bigger goals that I want to hopefully get to, but I'm not going to like work myself to the bone where I am just frazzled and stressed and like pushing, pushing, pushing. You know, we all have to do that at some point, I think. But if you can like rein yourself in a little bit and realize that you don't have to have it all figured out by January 1st. you don't even have to figure it out by December 31st. Like if you spent the year, like I did in a constant state of WTF, then that's fine too. You know, there's no linear path in what we do with life and horses and business. And, and so, yeah, that was something that just stuck with me though. It was like March 21st, right. Is the first day of spring or something like that, like happy new year. So I'm going to try my hardest. You have that mentality this year.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:06:35-01:07:31]
Yeah, I like that. I like I love this. The idea of the spring is the new year. But I also love what you said about having that balance between like it's healthy to have some goals, because if we're not like if we're not setting any sort of goals for ourselves and it doesn't even have to be horse related, it can be literally anything in our life. But if we're not setting something, then like, what are we doing? We're kind of just like you just kind of floating by like you have to have something that gives you hope, something to work towards. and also not being so hung up on your goals that you're so rigid and you're hard on yourself and you're getting in your head and you're not allowing things to be fluid and to change and all of those things. So like you had said, it's so important to find that balance. And so I love that you brought that up and you made that distinction. Well, thanks.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:07:31-01:07:45]
Goals are moving targets, I feel like, because it's just, We're going to get there eventually, hopefully. And if we don't, great. If we do, wonderful. I think, again, it's just having that mindset that knowing it's going to be okay.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:07:48-01:07:48]
Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:07:48-01:08:08]
It doesn't feel like it's going to be OK and you're never going to get to where you want to go. I mean, there are many times this year where I've been like, I mean, I've cried to bear it. I'm never going to get to where I want to be. Like, I'm never going to live up to my potential, whatever that means. And I'm never going to achieve what I want to achieve. And I have to pull myself out of those bunks quickly or else they can easily take over my whole mindset.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:08:10-01:08:20]
Absolutely. I love that. Now, maybe I should have. had like a moment where we brought Barrett onto the podcast too, because I know he also has goals.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:08:21-01:08:21]
For sure.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:08:22-01:08:36]
And now how is he approaching goals from, from your perspective? Is he going into 2024 with goals or is he also just kind of like seeing how things go and, and do you kind of balance each other out in a certain way?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:08:37-01:09:26]
We balance each other out and that he's very like, I'm accomplishing this. I'm doing this. Even though he went through everything this year with me, we're just very different in that regard where he's like, I'm not going to let this stop me. And I'm into that way, obviously, as well. He's just more vocal about it. And so he is very, like, he wants to achieve this. He's going to do it. He's built his business. He wants to buy another horse. He wants to get into roping or get back into roping. And I'm like, you go for it. That's great. Do whatever you need to do to get there because I know that's what is going to make you happy. I will be cheering you on. I will be supporting you. We're opposites in that regard. So we do level each other out a little bit and help keep each other in check. Um, he is a dreamer and I love that about him. Every day he'll come to me and say, I have an idea. I have an idea.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:09:27-01:09:27]
I should do this.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:09:27-01:10:03]
I'm going to do, and that's great. I keep mine more to myself every now and then I will, you know, express them. Cause like you, I don't want to be disappointed. So I kind of keep things to myself, but he is very like go getter. Like I'm doing it. And that's really, it's admirable. I think as his wife, because we, um, I'd like to see that energy from him. He was always thinking, like, what can I do next? I'm going to try this. I'm going to what if we did this? What if I got into this? I'm like, his new thing is he wants to have bees. So he's like, I'm going to like, you know, I bought him like the beekeepers Bible book for for Christmas. And so but he's always doing that.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:10:04-01:10:09]
And my grandparents have bees and they love it. And we get delicious honey.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:10:09-01:10:19]
So he wants bees so badly, but that's just using that as an example, but he's a little bit opposite of me, which is probably why we work well together.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:10:19-01:10:24]
Um, So yeah, it's like a nice yin and yang balance.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:10:25-01:10:28]
Yes, exactly. I don't know who's who, which one's a more relaxed one.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:10:28-01:10:34]
That's a little more yin. Yes. There you go. That's me. Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:10:35-01:10:36]
My yin.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:10:36-01:11:26]
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Do you, so we're, we're kind of talking a little bit about social media throughout this. Do you have any tips for social media for people going into 2024? And I think like, yeah, So, for example, the obvious things of like muting or unfollowing people who maybe make you feel a negative way or following, like attempting to cure. And I know it's hard. Like sometimes I'll look at my Explore page and I'm like, why do you think I would be interested in this? So I don't know what I was looking at that makes me, you know, like it's like changing my algorithm around. But doing your best to attempt to curate your feed in a way that when you go on to social media, it's inspirational or whatever it may be. Like, do you have any tips for people for 2024 with their social media?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:11:28-01:11:33]
I think social media is much like the people that you surround yourself with in person.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:11:33-01:11:34]
Mm hmm.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:11:35-01:12:57]
Their energies, even though they're online, will translate into your personal life, the way that you think about yourself, the way that you think about your horses, your journey. And so for me, it is very important that I don't want to get on my Instagram and see the highlight reel from everyone. Like I want my real friends, which they do a great job in the balance. There are some people that want to do the full highlight reel and that's also great. No shade or shame or any like that's fine. I just got it to a place going through what I did this year where I negativity wasn't allowed in my orbit because I know what I'm doing with my horses. I would like to think that I am an experienced horse woman. I know that I'm giving them the very, very best care that I can humanly afford, that I can humanly provide. And while I'm all for educating, I think Everyone, you know, we need to educate those that don't know. And there are ways that you can do that. But for me, I really found myself like with there's certain tones like that come off as, you know, if you basically like you're an idiot if you don't do this, you know, my way or the highway.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:12:57-01:12:58]
That's it.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:12:58-01:12:60]
The my way or the highway mentality.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:12:60-01:13:00]
Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:13:00-01:13:40]
It's something I really had to distance myself from this year because I couldn't I just could handle it. And I was already dealing with enough. I didn't want to go to the barn and be like, wow, you are the world's worst horse owner because you did X, Y and Z or you don't offer X, Y and Z. And that's just not the case. I mean, again, no equestrian's journey is linear. No horse is the same. Yes, we all know that they need their basic needs met. But I don't need that shoved down my throat every day in a tone that makes me feel like I'm a complete, you know, incompetent. Because I know that I'm not.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:13:40-01:14:39]
Or the shamey stuff, the shamey posts where it's like, yeah, like you had said, it's almost like in a way – designed to make people feel ashamed if they if they don't do this or their horse isn't like like just some sometimes you're like I literally I think there was some there was a point this summer where Where I saw a post and then a few hours later you said something and I messaged you and I was like, I think we saw the same post. And it made us feel the exact same way where it was like you just felt like it was so shaming. And I agree. I'm so over that. I feel like now if I'm seeing that from somebody on a, like, consistent basis, like, if they do it more than once, like, you know, you get once, you get once, whatever. If you do it more than once, like, I'm going to unfollow you because I'm not here for that shaming mentality.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:14:39-01:14:41]
It's nothing personal.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:14:41-01:14:42]
It's not a good energy.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:14:42-01:15:05]
No, it's nothing personal. And I look at it like everyone is entitled to their opinion. People can use their platform for however they want to. And if they have a certain tone about them, that's great. I look at it like it's not personal. Your tone doesn't resonate well with my energy, with how I speak to people. And so I think it's best if we just go our separate ways.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:15:05-01:15:05]
Mm-hmm.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:15:06-01:16:55]
And you can continue doing what you're doing. I'm going to do what I'm doing. And that's great. Keep educating, keep doing what you need to do. But it's just, it became too much and overwhelming for me. And I know the post that you're referring to. And it, that one, that one made me cry because it was something along the lines of like, no injections, like just do this and you're all your horses problems will be solved. And that was one that I got on my story. And I was like, I just spent this entire freaking year trying to get my horse sound, just sound comfortable. And I don't have any regrets about what I did to get him there because he's comfortable now and he can live a happy and healthy life. And nobody knows what I spent in vet bills. Nobody knows the conversations I had with my vet. They don't need to know that. Just like I don't need to prove something. to a stranger online. I'm not going to post writers for full pathology report. I'm not going to like go in like, no. So that's where my boundaries really came up. And just, again, going back to protecting my piece was like, I, I can't take it. I literally can't take it. And now the group that I follow is, like-minded equestrians, you know, I still will see difference of opinions or different tones and that's fine. Like that's what makes our environment vibrant and, um, you know, gives the, that's why people have platforms so they can use their voice. But I've really had to learn if your voice doesn't resonate well with my life, that it's okay to just be like, I'm out. And no hard feelings. Keep doing what you're doing. That's fine. It just doesn't resonate well with me. And so the unfollow button is good. The mute button is good. But I think it's healthier just to unfollow. If you have to mute someone...

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:16:56-01:17:26]
Yeah, like I think muting can be good. I don't think I have anybody muted. But I remember somebody and I was like, you can do that. That's such a good idea. Like if it's like, let's say a family member or somebody like at your burn or something like that, that maybe. Yeah, it's like it could they could take offense if you unfollow them or something like that. So instead, it's like just mute them. Yeah. Like it's a good feature to have. Yeah, it is. It's healthy.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:17:26-01:18:08]
It's a boundary. But yeah, just really protecting my peace this year and being okay to do that. And just know that there's people that are probably going to do it with me too. And that's fine. I don't want, like I said in the beginning, I don't want people following me if they're not genuinely there to be part of my journey, be part of like my lifestyle. And I'm not perfect. I'm sure that I've said things before that have offended somebody that have, but we're all like that. Like we can't, at the end of the day, how I look at my social media is I can't tailor my posts to down to every single word to make sure that I don't offend anyone. Because at that point, I lose myself in trying to make sure that everyone else is happy.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:18:08-01:18:09]
Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:18:09-01:18:48]
And that's a hard lesson for me to learn because I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me. We all want everyone to like each other, right? But that's just not the case. And so... If I lose followers because they don't like my truth or they think I'm too depressing or too negative, then they're not there for really just me. They're there for more of a surface level. And that's fine. You know, it is what it is. It's taken me a long time to be OK with that, but I can't help it. You know, just like I'm not going to completely edit my post down to where they're just very surface level where nobody gets their feelings hurt because that's not living an authentic life either.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:18:48-01:18:49]
Mm hmm.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:18:49-01:19:06]
So, you know, it's an ebb and flow, much like everything. But really protecting, you know, what you intake is very important because it does affect many aspects of your life. And, you know, you're on social media.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:19:06-01:20:35]
Yeah, absolutely. And I had her... excuse me, I had heard something a few years ago and it was in relation more so to like marketing. But it, I think it applies just in social media in general, especially in terms of like anything to do with like influencer marketing. Like if you want to have a specific platform, things like that. And it was like, if you're trying to speak to everyone, you're speaking to no one. Um, that like, if you are watering down what it is that you're trying to say so much to the point that you will make everybody happy with your post, no one's going to care because you're not really saying anything. Like you're just so certain, like you said, so surface level. And so I think, um, Yeah, I feel like 2024 is like the year of the voice. So many people that I've spoken to, they're like, I am going to not be afraid to say what it is that I want to say. Not to the point of hurting anyone's feelings. Nobody's setting out to do that. It's just that I just think that being able to show up as you are authentic, using that buzzword of like authenticity, like being authentic to yourself. I think that it's, it's so very needed right now. For sure.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:20:35-01:21:37]
It is. And like I said, I, we all want people to like, you know, I want people to like, you want people to like you, but I'm not going to lose myself in the process and try to convince you that you should like me. Like I've just reached that point, you know, in my age, I guess. And in my journey, especially this year, it's like, you know, my page, when you come here, you're going to read good stuff and you're going to read not so good stuff. If you're here because you want to see like, you know, happy rainbows and butterflies, I'm not the right page for you. And I don't think my follower base, like they don't expect that from me. Like, they expect me to be transparent and vulnerable. And that's probably going to offend someone. And if it does, I'm sorry. That's not my intention. But I'm not going to stifle who I am as a person. So I don't hurt your feelings. I mean, plain and simple. But, you know, it's definitely been a journey to learn how to be okay with that.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:21:37-01:22:06]
To get there. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So we're going to like forget about 2023 for a second. We're just going to focus on 2024. If you could choose one word or whatever it may be for how you want to feel in 2024, not what you want to accomplish, not what you want to do, anything like that, how you want to feel in 2024, what would it be?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:22:09-01:22:10]
Fulfilled.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:22:13-01:22:13]
Yeah, that's a good one.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:22:15-01:24:24]
After this 2023, I didn't feel like that. And so next year, I want to feel fulfilled with my creative endeavors, maybe not so even much my writing. Like I want to get back into that regularly and obviously do what I need to do with blue, but just, I spent so much of this year taxed mentally at my end and, that I don't want to be like that again. I don't want to snap at my husband, snap at my family members, not be with my friends, be depressed. I don't want to live like that again. I want to slowly crawl out of this hole and find enjoyment in my life again that's not clouded by And I know that I'll always have stress and anxiety and, you know, we have family stuff that goes on. But I really want to just feel that fulfillment of I really accomplished what I wanted to this year. And even if I don't, even if it's just a sliver. I want I just I want that fulfillment. Yeah. Again, so I think that's a good word fulfillment. I also want to feel peace internally. Yes. But I think fulfillment is more of a truer word. It's funny because in 23, my word for the year was simplify. And I guess in some weird twisted way, my life did simplify a little bit. But at the time, it did not feel that way. So I hope next year... I deal differently than I do right now in that I have all these things in my mind, all these ideas swirling really more so professionally and like educationally with the quarter horse stuff that I really want to do. And I want to be able to focus my energy into them versus, you know, juggling 5,000 different factors at once. So, yeah, I like that. I like that.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:24:25-01:24:41]
The idea of fulfilled is a good one. I agree with that. I think for me, too, joy is a big word that comes up. I just feel like I've been, I don't know, focused on, like I was saying earlier, fixing.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:24:41-01:24:41]
And

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:24:47-01:25:58]
Yeah, joy feels like it's missing from my life in some ways. Like, I just want to feel joy. And I want to go to the barn and I want to be with my horses and it be a joyful thing rather than a... Well, let's do this because, you know, we should probably be doing it. And well, how's today going? Like all of those things, like instead, can we feel joy? And and and I've said before as well, like I actually I did a post about this, the one about like stop trying to fix your horse. And I specifically use that as like an attention grabbing headline. And it was, you know, it was one of those things where for me, sorry if you can hear my dog, is that. I feel like it's stripped so much joy from my horses because you go into it, like, by all means, like, I mean, attempt to, like, fix your horse. Like, I'm still, every day, I'm, like, trying to make my horses better and help them be better. But at the same time, like, if you go into it with the energy of, like, hi, I'm here to fix you because you're not good enough, like, that's kind of a shitty, or excuse me, that's kind of a bad, I guess you've said it a few times, though.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:25:58-01:25:59]
I did, I did.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:26:06-01:26:30]
It's just not the best energy for me to feel, nor for my horses to feel all the time. So it's like instead of going into something always feeling like I need to fix it or I need to improve it or make it better or worry about why it's not better, can I just... Can I just reduce the amount of doing and just feel like I'm bringing some joy back into my life?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:26:31-01:27:46]
Exactly. And that's really important because when we go to the barn, I feel like we have two choices. We can either do that or we can realize every day is a work in progress. Today, I'm just going to focus on this and let's see. But I don't go down to the barn and think like, what do I need to do today to make this all better? Because if I did that every single day, I'd be like, I can't do this anymore. I'm never going to live up to the expectation. So it's like when the problem or an issue arises, it's like, okay, how do I make it better? It's better. Good. Focus on something else now. Yeah. And that helps you like not completely just, be frazzled all the time because the horses pick up on that energy too you know it's important to just sometimes go down to the barn and just sit there have a glass of wine have some bubbly fuzzy water like you know it's just not fuzzy water um but you know just go and enjoy being in their presence because as i learned this year we can spend so much time going down to the barn worrying about are they getting enough turnout are they getting this are they getting that are they having this are they having that that the next day they're colicking and they're dead And then you look back and you're like, what was that all for? Obviously be cognizant of things that need improvement, but don't let that consume you because life is short.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:27:47-01:28:08]
Yeah, absolutely. I just want to have that energy of like, I'm going to go on a trail ride today. Again, like just like that fun energy again, rather than thinking, well, maybe I should like see how they're moving first. And, you know, it's like, let me, can we just go have fun together?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:28:08-01:29:46]
Yeah. I totally get it because especially Ryder, that consumed my being at the barn. How is he moving today? Is he stiff? Did I do enough? Did he get enough movement? Did he get too much? Do I need to stretch him this way? Do I need to do that? Should I lunge him? Literally, that was me every day where Barrett finally was like, you need to chill out. And that's why even giving him the summer off was good. But even then I would look out, is he trotting in his paddock? How does he look? What does he look like? Like, Oh my God, he's running and bucking and kicking and acting like an idiot. And I know he needs to do that, but please don't hurt yourself because like, don't you don't exasperate the stifle. It became obsessive and unhealthy for both of us. And, you know, in a way when we finally got him sound and I knew he was going to Tara's, it sounds really bad, but I was like, like it's over. Yeah. Over for like this, this energy. Cause our relationship completely shifted from January over the year. I could just feel that we had this tension animosity towards each other. I was frustrated. He was like pissed off that, you know, he didn't feel well and we were just not vibing. And so I, our energy no longer meshed. We were just very like at ends with each other, not in a mean way or anything, but just like short fuses. And that's why Barrett had to help me get him going again, because I just was constantly disappointed. But that mental toll of like, how does he look? Is he short striding? Is he comfortable? I'm not doing enough. And then you have social media in the background and it's you know, other people that are like, make sure he gets movement, but don't do it.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:29:46-01:30:14]
And I'm just like, ah, yeah, yeah, no, it's, it's so, there's so many parallels. Like I, I remember with, with soda, um, when I decided to put her to pasture for a little while, um, that was, I, I needed, um, to put her to pasture. I mean, she also was very much like put me to pasture, but like, I was so burnt out. Like there was so much tension in our relationship. It felt like, because I was so burnt out with trying to, you know, quote unquote, fix her.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:30:14-01:30:15]
And she was like, can you just,

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:30:19-01:30:38]
Stop like, yeah, leave me alone. Like it was and there was I just I needed to step away from that relationship for a little while. And she needed to just go be a horse. And I needed to find like a sense of joy with with another horse for a little while.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:30:38-01:31:60]
Yes, that is literally I'm so glad you brought that up because you just summarize like my entire being. It's like being in a relationship with someone. Mm hmm. Where you're just, you know, you're at each other's. We need to have a break. Even like turning him out and letting him be a horse for those few months. Yeah, it helped, but it was still a constant reminder of, you know, you see this horse every single day and you know that it's over, but you, And you're frustrated. Like, yeah, we're humans. I'm going to be frustrated. I'm going to question why. Why me? Why is this happening? Just like we all do in any aspect of our life. We always ask ourselves like that. Why is this freaking happening? What did I do in a past life to deserve this? I finally got to the point where I was like, someone has my voodoo doll. I don't know who has it. I hope you're enjoying yourself. It's like in Barbie, the weird Barbie where they cut her hair. Cellulite, the whole nine yards. But but you definitely get to that point where it's like you're just butting heads and it's not even physically. It's just emotionally you're like, this is not working. And it's like I would get frustrated if he would like spook at something walking out to the pasture and just like huff puff off like this. And then he'd be like, well, what's your problem? And so, you know, it's. They feed off of that energy.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:32:00-01:32:01]
Yeah, absolutely.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:32:01-01:32:04]
That's a really that's a good point that you bring up for sure. Yeah.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:32:05-01:32:42]
Yeah, absolutely. It's yeah, it's it's it's one of those. It's a relationship that people that don't have horses won't seem to understand that how invested we are mentally, emotionally, emotionally. like everything with, with our horses. And sometimes I do think you just need to take a break. And I think that it's so important not to judge yourself for that, you know, because I, I think that sometimes people don't understand it. It's like, well, you like, why would you need a break from your horse? It's like, well, I, I just do.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:32:43-01:33:32]
It's not your job to explain it. Yeah, exactly. Anyone who has been through a tumultuous situation with their horses will understand. And that's where I feel very much in the break mode right now. Even though I have Blue, he's a very low stress horse, meaning I always know how he's going to behave. He's a good boy. I can get on and not have to like overcomplicate things because I'm really, really notoriously good at that. So he is a very low stress horse that I need right now. I wouldn't be mentally like 100% to buy another horse and just start that process again because I'm there. But breaks are good. And that's what I'm using blue for is my healing period to just heal, take a break. Remember why you do this and go. Yeah. Yeah.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:33:34-01:34:27]
Well, we should probably start wrapping up where we're at an hour and a half. I feel like I could talk to you forever. One of the things I just want to say before we wrap up with our final questions is I know we've been focusing a lot on the past year and we've been focusing on a lot on like maybe like maybe what didn't go right necessarily and all of those things and how we're approaching 2024. And I just want to say, Maddie, that like from somebody on the outside looking in, I know that There are so many things that didn't go right from your original goals for 2023. But I want to highlight the fact that you did so much with your platform to bring awareness to Quarter Horses with Indersage from going to regionals with Ryder. I'm correct in saying that, right? Regionals?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:34:27-01:34:27]
Yes.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:34:28-01:35:03]
Yeah, okay, going to regionals with Ryder, doing the quarter horse clinic, the quarter horse dressage clinic, and then now bringing Blue into this discipline, going from a roping horse to a dressage horse at the age of 18, which is a feat in and of itself. I just want to say that while there are so many things that didn't go right from a specific partnership perspective between you and Ryder, there is so much that did go right, and for you to raise awareness for the breed within the dressage discipline. So I just want to commend you for that because you really helped make a lot of strides in that.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:35:03-01:38:52]
Thank you. I'm trying. And that's a big goal moving into next year is we're already talking about dates for a few more clinics with Catherine. Now that I am working with the AQHA, I hope to be that voice for the dressage community. I know there's a lot of things that people would like to see happen. And I don't know if I can make that happen, but I'm going to try in my own way. And I got such a huge fulfillment out of a sense of fulfillment out of doing that clinic. I'd never hosted a clinic before. And I literally had the wild idea like, hey, I'm going to host a clinic for quarter horses. Let's do it. And to see how it was so well received, like I'm like, OK, this is my thing. I've always wanted to use the blonde in the bay for a bigger purpose than just my writing journey and fashion. There's nothing wrong with either of those because that's how I want to build my business. But I want more of an impact than that. And this is a very unique path. I feel like I don't see anyone else doing this or taking the time to do this. And I'm passionate about it. That's a really good thing that came out of my partnership with Ryder because without him, I never would have this newfound appreciation for quarter horses. I've always loved them from a distance. But now that passion is within me to make a change in our community because being an adult amateur, I don't have the budget to go buy a very expensive warm blood horse. anymore. That's not my, you know, that's not, that's not going to happen. There's so many other men, anyone in this industry that they want to ride, but all they're taught is if you want to be successful, you need X, Y, and Z. And I want to be the one to show them you don't. Success looks different for everyone. Just because your goals are not going to the Olympics and being a Grand Prix rider doesn't mean you can't still be a very good dressage rider on a horse that's not bred to do this job. Buy the horse that has three good gaits, a good temperament, and the rest kind of, you know, of course, every horse is probably not going to make it to the Grand Prix. But you know what I'm saying? Like, I want to be that person that can show people it's possible because the amount of Pure joy and happiness that I got out of my journey with Ryder was shocking. I never thought that I would feel that sense of reward before. More so with Leah, honestly. I love her. She's my heart horse. She's my number one. She's bred to do this. I'm thankful for the experiences she brought me. But knowing that I personally could take a Western Pleasure horse and bring them to third level... was like, wow, I can do this. And I've never had that confidence boost before. Leah taught me how to ride and gave me the tools to install on Rider. But Ryder brought this whole new dimension to my world of like, this is cool. And I don't care if I don't get 70s at the shows. I'm out there representing, you know, people in our community that are just normal, that are just wanting to ride and enjoy the sport and not have legs flying everywhere and whatever. And so I'm really hopeful that in the new year I can host a couple more clinics, get more involved with the AQHA and kind of see where it goes from there. That's my biggest. I think that is one of my biggest goals. I'm super passionate about it. I'd love for my next horse to be another quarter horse. Um, and I just think it's fun. Like it is fun getting to meet and talk with these people that love quarter horses and appreciate their value and see how versatile and how talented they are. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Absolutely. I love that.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:38:52-01:38:55]
And you lit up so much when you, when you started talking about it.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:38:56-01:39:06]
I just, I get so excited because I'm like, Oh, I want to make a change. I want to like make an impact in this world. We'll remember. So that's, that's my goal with that. Hmm.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:39:08-01:39:38]
Maddie, last time on your original podcast episode, which, like I said earlier, was about a year and a half ago, we did the four WeHorse questions. And I'm sure your answers will be different. I'm not going to go back and fact check if they're not. But I would love to re-ask them and see if, you know, now there's anything that's different a year and a half later. So the first one, do you have a motto or favorite saying?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:39:39-01:39:54]
Oh, I think this was last year. My favorite one still last year is still Eleanor Roosevelt's like, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Yeah, I do. Actually, I do remember that. And it's still the same. And I need to remember that. But it's really true.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:39:54-01:39:55]
Yeah, it's really true.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:39:55-01:39:55]
Yeah.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:39:56-01:40:00]
The second one, who has been the most influential person in your equestrian journey?

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:40:05-01:40:55]
As of recently, I think my community on the Blonde and the Bay. Everyone really, my close friends from the Blonde and the Bay and just my circle in general, they lifted me up this year. They know who they are. And I couldn't have done you being included. I couldn't have done this year without y'all because, you know, you influenced me to keep going and that I wasn't alone and to just keep sharing the really bad because somebody is going to resonate with you and you're going to help somebody else not feel alone. And so for me, this in the last year and a half, my Blonde in the Bay community has been definitely the most influential role in my riding journey.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:40:55-01:41:30]
The first person to mention their community, and I think that's actually like a really... important perspective of, you know, that it's not always just one person in particular that influences us. It's, it's the, you know, the entirety of that who that we surround ourselves with. So I love that. Really? Yeah, for sure. If you could give equestrians one piece of advice, what would it be? Hmm. I don't know. Well, damn. One piece of advice.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:41:30-01:43:27]
Know that it is okay to not be okay. that's important if you're riding career industry world whatever is a huge piece of who you are know that it is okay to let it not be okay nobody needs to make you try to feel inferior without your consent because our horses are our lives and it's not just a horse It's not just a dream or a goal. It's a passion that lives inside of you. And don't let anyone try to diminish that and tell you, oh, get over it. You'll be fine. Or just, no, full stop. So I think just know that it's okay to not be okay. And these are very real emotions. These are creatures that affect your mental health, your finances, your physical health. And that take that moment to know that you don't have to have it all figured out and you don't have to be okay with the cards that you've been dealt with. And no one's struggles are more important than yours. I hate it when somebody tries to say, well, at least your horse is still alive or at least you didn't have to do this. Like, no, don't invalidate my struggles. These are very real. So know that, like, don't feel guilty that you're upset that your horse is lame when there's a million other problems in the world going on. Because while, yes, that's really, really upsetting and sad, this is like personally affecting your heart Your lifestyle, your money, your everything. So just learn to be OK with not being OK, I guess.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:43:29-01:43:38]
The last one, please complete this sentence for me. Horses are. That could go one or two ways.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:43:40-01:43:58]
Horses are my life. I wouldn't be who I was today without them, even through all the bad. there's still so many lessons there that they can teach us case in point. I hope, I hope to be that example, but yeah.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:43:59-01:44:05]
Where can people find you and how can they connect with you? Put everything in the show notes.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:44:05-01:44:08]
Yeah, just Instagram.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:44:08-01:44:08]
I'm not cool.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:44:08-01:44:28]
I don't have TikTok. I don't even know how to use TikTok. I don't really use Facebook. Just Instagram, the blonde in the bay, one word with an underscore. We have some really fun things, January market coming up next month. So I'll be at the American Equestrian Trade Association if you want to see some cool stuff. And I'll be obnoxious on social media.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:44:28-01:44:28]
Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:44:29-01:44:40]
Enjoying the ride. But hopefully in 24, I'll be sharing more good news than bad news. And I hope to see that from all of my friends and community as well.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:44:40-01:45:12]
Awesome. We'll include your Instagram handle in the show notes. I encourage everybody to follow Maddie because as much as I feel like you made... You made it seem like in this, just talking here, like you were so depressing on social media. And I have to say that you were hilarious. You were like, there's so many things that I think of that are not depressing when I think of the past years. I have comfort in humor.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:45:12-01:45:18]
Because I'm desperate for a laugh. So I'm just going to start making funny reels. And if people don't like it, I don't care because I need to laugh.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:45:19-01:45:42]
yeah no there was there's so many funny things on there so I highly recommend that um everybody follows Maddie um not only for her just for her funny reels but also just for your just being real and and showing up on Instagram as you are um I just I absolutely love it so thank you so much for being here and um I mean, here's the 2024.

[SPEAKER 1]
[01:45:42-01:45:49]
It's going to be, we're manifesting a better year for everyone in the equestrian space and beyond.

[SPEAKER 3]
[01:45:49-01:46:29]
Yes. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Equestrian Connection Podcast by WeHorse. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a rating and review, as well as share us on social media. You can find us on Instagram at WeHorse underscore USA and check out our free seven-day trial on WeHorse.com where you can access over 175 courses with top trainers from around the world in a variety of topics and disciplines. Until next time, be kind to yourself, your horses, and others.